


The Long Haul

by immistermercury



Category: Bohemian Rhapsody (Movie 2018), Freddie Mercury - Fandom, Queen (Band)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, HIV/AIDS, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, at the end, honestly Jim is such a sweetheart and I love him
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-16
Updated: 2018-12-16
Packaged: 2019-09-20 14:07:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,402
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17024058
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/immistermercury/pseuds/immistermercury
Summary: Freddie sat on the sofa, hunched over with his elbows resting on his thighs. The late afternoon sunshine caught the cut of the glass on the table, half full with whiskey, casting a rainbow across the mirrored surface. He sat completely still, too wound up and tight to even think about moving until Jim was home. He was cut off from everything, phone off the hook and door locked to all visitors, spare key gone from under the mat. He had all his curtains drawn except the one in the lounge, allowing him to track the time until Jim should come home.





	The Long Haul

**Author's Note:**

> I was imagining what the moment was like when Freddie told Jim the news about his diagnosis (for anyone who doesn't know, Jim was on holiday at the time). Of course, I don't own Queen/anything to do with Bohemian Rhapsody.

Freddie sat on the sofa, hunched over with his elbows resting on his thighs. The late afternoon sunshine caught the cut of the glass on the table, half full with whiskey, casting a rainbow across the mirrored surface. He sat completely still, too wound up and tight to even think about moving until Jim was home. He was cut off from everything, phone off the hook and door locked to all visitors, spare key gone from under the mat. He had all his curtains drawn except the one in the lounge, allowing him to track the time until Jim should come home. 

He started bouncing his knee with the tension, his breath coming a little fast as he ran a hand through his hair. There was no way to avoid the situation, Jim had to know, but it killed Freddie inside to know that there could have already been the last time that they would lay together, the last time that they would share a cigarette in bed after a stressful day, the last day that Freddie would get to enjoy his domestic comforts without the ever present loneliness he was feeling suffocated by. 

His head shot up when he heard a key in the door, swallowing the lump that was already threatening his throat. His hands trembled as he stood up, but he was determined to stay firm. It was important to the both of them, and Freddie knew that he couldn’t keep it quiet, nor would it be fair to.

Jim came into the room with a big smile on his face, but Freddie could see the worry in the lines around his eyes. He knew that he wasn’t like himself, his phone not available when he was usually the more clingy of the pair, and remembered his last words to Jim being that he had news that they had to share. He felt the ache of guilt in his gut from remembering when he hadn’t told him there on the phone, but it somehow didn’t feel right, even though it was definitely safer. 

“Afternoon, darling.” Freddie said quietly, subdued, walking slowly towards Jim and kissing the back of his hand. That motion was reserved for only the most important moments that Freddie wanted to remember forever: their first proper kiss, first time they had made love, the first confession of love, the exchange of wedding bands to promise to be as close to each other as possible. If this was the last moment that they would spend as lovers, it was important for Freddie to make sure it ended with a gesture of kindness, of love and safety and adoration, not one of anger or desperation.

Jim immediately noticed, squeezing the older man’s hand gently. “Freddie…” He said quietly, tilting his chin up from where Freddie was staring at their hands. “I’ve been worried sick, love.” He said quietly, pulling Freddie into a hug.

He was immediately shocked when Freddie pulled out almost instantaneously, usually never being one to deny affection, especially after a time apart.

“Darling, sit down.” Freddie said quietly, leading him to where he himself had been sat moments earlier. He picked up the whiskey glass, swallowing the final measure before placing it out of the sun, the dazzle of light being too much in the darkened room. Jim felt how warm the seat was underneath him, saw the state of the room. He knew that Freddie hadn’t moved much in the past few days. 

“What is it?” He asked, almost desperate to know what it was that was eating his lover inside. “Freddie, if this is another little fling, you know that we’ll both get through it- you’re getting so much better, sweetheart-” He started, but he was cut off by the noise of pain that Freddie made in response.

“It’s nothing like that.” He said quickly. The sharpness of his voice made Jim sit up a little straighter, taking one of Freddie’s hands gently and moving him to sit down next to him, noticing how unsteady he was on his feet. “I went to the doctor.” He said, voice barely above a whisper.

Jim felt physically sick. He had no idea Freddie was at all concerned about his health. As far as he knew, Freddie was one of the healthiest people he knew, always bounding around onstage with countless amounts of energy. “What for, love?” He asked, his voice cracking with the obvious concern. He pulled Freddie closer when the older’s face cracked, looking as though he was about to cry. 

“I have it.” He whispered, bowing his head, unable to look in his lover’s eyes, the crushing weight of guilt making it hard to breathe.

“Have what?” Came the reply, a hand rubbing soothingly in the spot between Freddie’s shoulder blades that he held tension the most.

Freddie let out a long breath, refusing to let himself cry. He’d cried enough when alone, and now it was time to be strong. “AIDS, darling.” He said quietly, looking up through damp lashes. “Listen, Jim, I understand if you want to leave-” His voice cracked, a sob bubbling up through his words. “It’s not your fault, it’s my fault, you deserve someone that can give you forever-” He spoke quickly, trying to get everything that he had rehearsed out of his mouth before he started crying. 

Jim found himself physically recoiling for a second, feeling sick to the stomach with the idea that he would lose his Freddie. His own health flashed through his mind, but he was so concerned about Freddie when he started crying. He pulled him closer, trying to soothe him with their physical closeness. “How long?” He asked softly, trying to keep his own sadness from his voice.

“The doctor thinks five years.” Freddie murmured, sounding defeated and broken. “But don’t wait for me, darling. Nobody waits forever when they can have now. You can find somebody that can look after you, somebody that’ll be there forever.” He whispered. “I can look after myself.” He whispered, running a hand through his hair. 

Jim took a deep breath, taking Freddie’s hand again. “Don’t be stupid.” He murmured, trying to lighten the mood a little. “I’m not going anywhere. I’m here for the long haul, sweetheart.” He whispered, running his finger over the wedding band on Freddie’s hand. “In sickness and in health, remember?”

Freddie looked up, tears flooding his eyes again. “You’re not going?” He murmured, disbelief edging his voice, unable to believe it until he heard it again. 

Jim shook his head. “I love you, Freddie. You belong to me, I belong to you, and I’m not going anywhere.” Freddie seemed to melt in an instant response, all the worry and fear of being alone melting out of his bones from those simple words.

“Don’t stay because you feel that you have to, darling.” Freddie looked up at Jim, holding one of his hands so tightly in both of his. “We all know I’ve made some shit decisions, and this is my karma.” He said softly, leaning against Jim’s side.

Jim stayed quiet, taking a moment to look around the room. He held Freddie close to him, knowing that they both needed a moment of quiet to take in the moment. The room was crowded with bottles and ashtrays, clearly the only things nearby with which Freddie had had any interest. Jim could feel burns on Freddie’s fingers from his shaking hands with the match, but didn’t mention the state of his lover.

Instead, he picked him up carefully, carrying him down the corridor. He made sure to open each set of curtains as he went, knowing how much Freddie valued the starlight. It was hard to feel isolated when you were reminded that you were part of a much larger cosmos. He sat him on the floor of the bathroom, opening up the big windows to let some fresh air into the otherwise muggy room. He ran his fingers through Freddie’s short hair. “You need a trim, love.” He said quietly, letting his fingers run over the stubble on his cheekbones.

“You do it for me.” Freddie murmured, the first time he had cracked a smile since the news. “You know I do love being made a fuss of.” He said softly, closing his eyes when he heard the soft snip of the scissors near his nose. “Thank you, darling.”

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave kudos and a comment with anything else you'd like to see, whether BoRhap or Jim/Freddie or anything else!


End file.
